@topaz_kell: Making a phone call that goes straight to voicemail releases dopamine.
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@Ristolable: 100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.
@MichaelTrying: The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
@sdhintz: 2 things lotion won't let you do when it's on your hands because it's evil: 1) escape the bathroom 2) open a beer