@IamEnidColeslaw: making it rain (CHEETOS) in the club (my bedroom)
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@Izianikapani: Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.
@TeaPainUSA: If Trump wins the presidency, you know who's gonna be the most excited about buildin' a Southern border fence? Canada.
@TheDeadfishSays: Me: For who the bell tolls... Teacher: You forgot the 'M'. Me:Oh... Me: Me: For who them bells toll...
@jergarl: Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange.