@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses
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@jonnysun: ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down
@noog: Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous
@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.