@lawking30: Making NSA work hard today: just left vm for Senator saying, "drop-off done" & then made a hair appointment at a salon in Lahore, Pakistan.
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@truegritrumble: (At My Funeral) FRIEND: Of course he found a way to avoid paying me back my $20. ME: *muted snickering from the casket*
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me
@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.