@lawking30: Making NSA work hard today: just left vm for Senator saying, "drop-off done" & then made a hair appointment at a salon in Lahore, Pakistan.
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@Book_Krazy: *[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"
@P1ssed_K1d: AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief
@BoomBoomBetty: [sneezes and shoots my tampon out so hard it sets off another false missle alarm in Hawaii]
@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.