@graceupongracie: Male penguins travel 50 miles by foot in subzero temperatures to mate but ok, thanks for these flowers I guess
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@iwearaonesie: 9: The remote isn't working me: Did you smack it? 9: Yep me: Did you push the button down really hard? 9: Yep me: Well I'm out of ideas
@WilliamAder: Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it.
@panmidwest: me: well, you know, change is inedible her: i think you mean inevitable me: *spitting out several nickels* nope
@TheTimmyToes: [finally rich enough to go to a tailor] "How can I help you sir?" One clothes please!