@graceupongracie: Male penguins travel 50 miles by foot in subzero temperatures to mate but ok, thanks for these flowers I guess
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@atragedyoflove: my parents got an amazon echo for christmas & all they do is shout at it & get disappointed by all it can’t do. i've been replaced by alexa & it’s great.
@BlindChow: [pitching script] WRITER: then the motorcyclist removes their helmet… PRODUCER: *yawns*…and its a woman? W: it's a burrito P: holy shit
@bea_ker: Hey man, settle an argument for me? "Sure" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there
@EndhooS: Scientist: knowing that flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp, we fed one nothing but Gatorade for 6 months Reporter: so what happened? Scientist: it's dead.