@fro_vo: *malia passes me a joint* thanks obama
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@JermHimselfish: Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together
@squirrel74wkgn: [at hotel] Friend: Heard your wife last night...she's a screamer [flashback to my toenail scratching her leg in bed] Me: Yep, nailed her
@BlairLoudly: Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare.