@glo_stevens: Mama said there'd be days like this, and also "knock you out" ??? I don't know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.
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@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL] JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt? MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.
@AndrewChamings: genie: are you sure? me: just do it *my dog winks and gives me a fist bump for the third time*
@XplodingUnicorn: If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.