@RegularFred: Man dies after body rejects sleeveless Metallica shirt because he didn't have a barbed wire tattoo.
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@Marlebean: Don't make a mountain out of a molehill Do it with mashed potatoes, then play keyboard for the aliens ... I think my cough medicine expired
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
@matt___nelson: [Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] "I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Martin Shkreli has been arrested. Bail will be set, then quickly raised to an amount he can't possible afford.