@aspiringtoucan: Sure Italian food is expensive but I think it's worth every penne

@marrowing: every time my laptop fans start going mental I lean in and whisper "are you mining bitcoin you little shit"

@: FRIEND: what's new? ME: my wife left me for some guy at that rental car company FRIEND: hertz? ME: yeah [holding back tears] it really does

@GoodZiIIa: pharaoh: make my tomb a giant triangle architect: ah yes, the triangle shape is strong and sturdy & the sides will be sloped so you can symbolically climb into the afterlife pharaoh: [thinking about using it as a giant slide] yes

@jpbrammer: I didn’t see myself reflected in media until the 100 goats of mysterious origin appeared and started eating indiscriminately