@robdelaney: Man next to to me just said into his phone "You caught me in the middle of a sandwich." He's lying. He is not in a sandwich.
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@david8hughes: [interrogation] Cop: what were you doing last nite? Me: I was killin my neighbour, Bert Cop: louder for the tape please Me [leaning in]: I was filling in paperwork. I’m a busy guy
@bingowings14: 'I'm really excited about the Pixar cowboy figure I got for my birthday.' 'Woody?' 'Not quite that excited.'
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.