@robdelaney: Man next to to me just said into his phone "You caught me in the middle of a sandwich." He's lying. He is not in a sandwich.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@FatherWithTwins: Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.
@MomOfTeen: Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you’re bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say “isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?”