@robdelaney: Man next to to me just said into his phone "You caught me in the middle of a sandwich." He's lying. He is not in a sandwich.
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@shwebby2: Whenever I start to disrobe in front of a lady; I always hand her a card that states "A mild sense of Nausea is perfectly normal"
@Just__J0: 17: Want to see a movie? Me: Sure. 17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together. Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends.
@vineyille: I run up to the firefighter as he drags another charred body out of my burning home. “Did you see a zip disk labeled POEMS in there?”