@_Mo_lee_: "Man, what's eating you today?
I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!
@abhorrent_wife: Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.
@ShaunRightNow: I'm married, yet the only person that willingly goes down on their knees in front of my crotch is a 72 year old suit tailor named Pablo.
@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@Crutnacker: Obama: The Galaxy Note 7 wasn't recalled because it was too secure.
Biden: Just let him enjoy my gift, Barack.
@sensualgifs: when you're sick of dropping subtle hints to the guy you like and getting no where