@_Mo_lee_: "Man, what's eating you today?
I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!
@LosLos__: Got home late to a note that said "Wake me up for sex", which I stared at for 10 mins before realizing it was my own handwriting.
@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar
*throws flashlight at him
@trentistweeting: [feeding baby]
Here comes the plane!
*baby swallows food*
wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk
@badbanana: Let's begin by pushing a Nickleback album onto every ISIS phone.
@UncleDuke1969: It's not really 'fast food' if fat people can catch it.