@trevso_electric: Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...
@3sunzzz: [fire] EVERYONE REMAIN CALM. Use the stairs. DO NOT use the elevators. We're on the 12th floor... *sigh* I guess I'm dying in a fire.
@ibid78: My N'Sync tattoo? I got it to remind me not to make impulsive decisions based on fleeting trends that I'd regret for the rest of my life.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs.