@paperphotoyo: Managed to scare off my prison pen pal. Crazy doesn't even begin to cover what's wrong with me.
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@KevinFarzad: When walking behind someone at night, let them know you're not dangerous by yelling "DO NOT FEAR ME" very loudly
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@internetluke: [shows jury picture of gruesome murder scene] *they all gasp* That was my initial reaction too. Those shoes with those pants?
@JasonLastname: Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine.