@juliussharpe: Management tip - only hire bald guys. They don't have anything going on besides work.
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@stealingyergirl: [bedtime] Son: Can you leave the light on? Me: So it'll be easier for the monsters to find you? Son: What? Me: What?
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
@dixonshuman: It's like my cat doesn't realize my retirement plan involves him doing something interesting enough to be famous on the Internet.