@juliussharpe: Management tip - only hire bald guys. They don't have anything going on besides work.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it.
@TEXASVETERAN: I wonder how many other Sandy's have come into men's lives and taken their cars and houses, too.
@bopinklady: Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows
@Poutymcgee: I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this: "Can you please stop listening to our conversation?"