@JohnHilsen: Mankind has made a lot of mistakes, some of them truly monstrous. The Holocaust. Slavery. Calling it a "corn maze" and not a "maize maze."
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@13spencer: A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he’s expected to be seven times as annoying about it.
@WheelTod: If your kid is having nightmares & keeps getting in bed with you in the night, a great solution is to go to sleep in full clown makeup.
@roostermustache: Him: my gf left me Me: theres plenty of fish in the sea Him: yeah but- Me: also a squirrel Him: ...what Me: and a sponge in a pineapple
@JesKeepSwimming: Sorry I can't make it to lunch today. I forgot to shorten "people" to ppl in a text this morning and now I'm totally behind schedule.