@SortaBad: Manny Pacquiao says he would accept a rematch with Floyd Mayweather. "Yes, I will allow you to pay me another $100 million," he told sources
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@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@BEEAAARR: Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone. Could have been a serious game changer in my opinion.
@EdwindelaRenta: me: i'm really glad we met, i feel like I can completely be myself around u. u had me at hello kidnapper: pls stop talking
@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.