@weezafish: Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?
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@EndhooS: Me: there you go babe… [lays jacket over puddle so my girl doesn't get her feet wet] GF: you could have used your own coat
@PerfectPending: Spoiler alert: The fairytale ends with the prince at work, 3 whiney kids, and you are cinderella AND the wicked witch.
@gigglegirlnoel: Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
@Beesthegame: [Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering.