@weezafish: Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?
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@CarolineCasey: We were so high at the movies that I tried find my seatbelt and my friend helped me look for it.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.
@kumailn: Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.
@Carbosly: Do cute firemen still come when a cat is stuck in a tree? Only in case of fire? Fine. But pretty sure my cat won't like being set on fire.