@Georoyo: Marc Anthony jeans at Kohl's come in three cuts - tuberculosis, heroin addict and skeletor.
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@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth
@KittensMittens: Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad
@DanMentos: [first date] "so what do you do?" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager