@bobbiejo448: Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It's to the point that Google even knows when I'm high.
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@markydoodoo: I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.
@jeannes_jargon: Facebook: Essential oils. Snapchat: I'm a bunny! Instagram: I ate a hamburger. Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
@torrami: All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they're being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing.
@AndyAsAdjective: gonna make a bumper sticker for my car that says "MY KID IS SMARTER THAN YOU'RE KID" just to troll the grammar nazis behind me