@JawnQSack: Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can't be handled at their worst, and aren't deserved at their best.
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@WilliamAder: Me: Sweetie, I think these wireless headphones you got me are defective. Wife: Those are earmuffs.
@Book_Krazy: Ok, Don't let them know you're an egg "Mr Yolk, you are 20 minutes late for this interview" [drags on cig] I was getting laid by a chick
@MasterOfFury: If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.
@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*