@thepunningman: Mark Ruffalo is the name you could most likely teach a dog to say.
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@bobvulfov: [standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible
@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.
@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@evanR39: Me: hey dad, what did you do before the internet? Dad: you have thirteen bros n sisters, do the math son.