@outsmartedmommy: Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.
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@jenlaw_11: And satan said "let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you" and it was so
@TheBoydP: *16 calls me at office* 16: Are you stopping at the grocery store tonight? Me: No 16: You're out of beer Me: Ok I will, what do you want?
@KalvinMacleod: It's important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.