@outsmartedmommy: Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.
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@iGreenMonk: Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.
@NaaN_Conformist: Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.