@GeorgeTakei: Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."
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@ErrenMichaels: [First person to ride a horse] 'I'm going to sit on that thing and I don't care how angry it gets.'
@Reverend_Scott: teacher: class, today we learn about the birds and bees class: OOOOH [opens hawk cage] class: AAAHHH [calls principal] RELEASE THE BEES
@Mr_Bucky: My weird paranoid neighbor, shreds all her mail and closes all the shades. But never locks her basement window.
@lafpgh: Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can’t go, I’m allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said.