@LaetPO: Marriage is so disrespected as an institution nowadays that soon brides may be tossing the groom and keeping the bouquet.
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@BareChesty: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead 911: Can you verify that he's dead? *gunshot* Me: Yep, he's dead
@KeetPotato: cop: "you kinda look like one that's all" me: "in no way am i a pirate" cop: "hmm, are you sure?" parrot on my shoulder: "did he stutter?"