@KKBowls: Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you
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@Home_Halfway: HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly
@murrman5: *wife sees me grab emergency kit from trunk after getting a flat tire* calm down brent just call a tow tru*I'm already shooting flare gun*
@ComeHome4Dinner: *pulls shirt back down* I guess I don't understand what a flash mob actually is.
@Carbosly: Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty.