@KKBowls: Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you
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@duplicitron: I do shrugs at the gym with like 400 pounds just to show everyone how hard I don't care.
@ChaseMit: Hey Chandler, wanna hang out with me, Phoebe and Monica later? We're going to the park to open and close umbrellas in a fountain.
@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.