@slimmy_shady: MARRIAGE PROTIP - Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.
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@Rhythms_n_Booze: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Honestly I'm so shit faced I have no idea.
@blade_funner: DOG DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Please assume the correct position for operating a vehicle. DOG STUDENT: *sticks head out window* DDI: Excellent.
@Jayson_Two_time: Pro Tip for the ladies. Ask him to show you where the "jack thingy" is at in the trunk and when he shows you.. That's when you push him in.
@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants