@rickygervais: Marriage should be traditional. As it was in The Bible. Between a man and a rib.
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@leshnevsky: Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!
@RegularFred: I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to "let's practice your fingering technique"
@thenatewolf: ME: [forgetting the name of someone I went to school with for years] Hey… man! ME: [watching GoT] That’s Randyll Tarly, Samwell’s father.