@rickygervais: Marriage should be traditional. As it was in The Bible. Between a man and a rib.
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@RobertJrDowney: If Twitter was invented by a woman, The character limit would be 10,000 characters.
@Mr_Kapowski: *aliens land on Thanksgiving* *me showing them around* "We have a specific bone we break from the carcass to make a wish" Aliens: Savages
@shatterpants: If Kung Fu Panda taught me anything, it's that obese people can be accepted...so long as they know kung fu.
@WilliamAder: They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.