@PJTLynch: Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that I don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.
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@timdonakowski: Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.
@KimmyMonte: HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES
@QwertyJones3: [car dealership] "Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?" *Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."
@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.