@KentWGraham: MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.
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@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background Her: take off my pants Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.
@WheelTod: [Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it
@EndhooS: Me: Make sure Jnr. gets straight A's…[slides envelope] Teacher: Is this what I think it is? Me:[nods] You can use it to send letters & stuff