@ericsshadow: I've made 2 terrible decisions in my life and they're both outside throwing rocks at the new neighbors.
@ElliotHetherton: [date]
Her: tell me something about yourself
Me: *remembers girls like tough guys* I killed a man
Her: ...
Me: *remembers girls also like sensitive guys* but I cried afterwards
@Burtslorp: *Jesus looks over bill from last supper*
"It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver."
"I got this!" Judas yells, almost too quickly.
@trojansauce: [rap battle]
*drops the mic*
*scrambles around trying to pick up the mic*
[20min earlier]
*other guy covering my mic in butter*
@normwilner: Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web
Any size
Catches thieves
Eats those guys
Hey wait
Don't do that Spider-Man
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