@LuvPug: *posts selfie with full makeup and 3 filters* Caption: I'm so sick, I feel like dog crap & I look sooooo gross

@TechnicallyRon: Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'

@kumailn: If Watergate happened today it would be called Watergategate.

@panmidwest: I respect the guy who drives his Blue BMW through the White Castle drive thru. It's like he's saying: "I'm better than you—but not by much."

@Schmoodles: I call my bedroom 'The place where the magic happens' because one night a guy locked me in a box and tried to saw me in half.