@dbgindy: Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death...... ;-)
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@jwomackou: Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron
@ceejoyner: 2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said "nice lumberjack costume."
@shkeeber: Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...
@UnFitz: I have an irrational fear that I'm accidentally making up words. I don't want to be misunderstandable.