@wittwitbarista: My favorite machine at the gym is the water fountain.

@Ah_kee_oh: No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper.

@ewws13: Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.

@Sickayduh: "911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"

@ChickGamerJenna: Osama Bin Laden should have hid in MySpace