@citizenkawala: Married With Children is a hilarious sitcom until you’re 35 and realise it’s a chilling documentary.
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@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
@Epygma: *Jesus drinking at a bar* *jesus orders another drink* "jesus you're too drunk I can't give you anymore" Kan I jst haev a water? "nice try"
@youcancallmesim: "She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt.
@bIessbaby: over 7 billion people in this world and u think I'm gonna chase someone who doesn't even want me? hahaha that's exactly what I'm gonna do