@crunchenhanced: Little known fact: Centipede’s are the Metric version of Inchworms.

@CornOnTheGoblin: honey I'm home wife: how was your first night class well [hangs up suit of armor] not good

@jakob_huber: Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.

@jergarl: Shia Labeouf always looks like he's trying to teach math after someone just waved smelling salts under his nose.

@SCBamaMan: AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.