@TylerLinkin: Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
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@faizziy: That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..
@david8hughes: *grandma sobbing at my graduation* "Your parents would have been so proud seeing you up there." *wipes tear* "But they didn't want to come."
@ManJuggs: The guy I’ve been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don’t own any animals.
@TheBeerGuy73: I consider it a personal victory everytime that I don't ask a person wearing a leg cast if they've broken their leg.