@karencheee: Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!
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@samuelhlowe: - Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other.
@tastefactory: [killer enters home in middle of night] ME: Who goes there? KILLER: Haha ME: What KILLER: Who still says "Who goes there" ME: Ok laugh it up
@sad_tree: Lettuce is like that friend you only hang out with in a group with other friends. "Hang out? Who else is coming?Ham? Great. I'll be there."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems.