@Marmel: Martin Shkreli in jail: "Can I have an aspirin?"
Jail: "Yes. That will be $197,000."
@KentWGraham: I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.
@shariv67: If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical.
@TheToddWilliams: [Hall of Justice]
Aquaman: How do you expect me to ignite the TNT below Kaiser's floating fortress?
Waterproof Match Man: Maybe I can help.
@JennyPentland: 10yo: When in doubt, albatrout.
Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real.
10yo: Now you're in doubt!
@Prero22: I have a splitting headache today.
Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.