@usermcuserface: Marty McFly had horrible parents. Sure teenage son, hang around with the weirdo scientist who lives alone and drives a windowless truck.
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@AbbyHasIssues: I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
@byronblurb: Me: My head hasn't been in the right place lately. GF: You might want to check up your ass.
@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."
@JordyHamrick: So what happens if I neglect to "safely" remove the USB from the OH DEAR GOD THE BLOOD.