@pleatedjeans: If u drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-Ball u can see the future trust me my friend Keith did once & said he was gonna die & then he did

@jdforshort: Your smell is so intoxicating Your skin so soft and warm I can't wait to eat you up ~Mosquitos

@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.

@cheeky__gal: A poltergeist was moving furniture around the house, and I really love what he's done with the place.

@Dawn_M_: If that cute guy doesn't approach you at a bbq, he is probably just intimidated by how many sausages you're eating.