@mofrorock: Marvel's latest movie franchise follows an aging Peter Parker as he swaps crimefighting for medical studies in Spiderman: WebMD
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *reclines* Nice Wife: I still can't believe you bought a used gynecological exam table Me: I can see the tv perfectly between my legs
@CulturedRuffian: SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!
@TheBoydP: 19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked "can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?" *making screwdrivers*
@ericonederful: Pastor: pray for your enemies. Me: Dear god, please kill all of my enemies. Pastor: no! Not like that! Me: too late. I already said amen.