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@EJGomez: "Mary had a little lamb. had." -wolf
@KevinFarzad: "There will be snacks." - someone successfully convincing me to do anything
@OrangeFact: [First Date]
HER: I love dogs.
ME: [Trying to impress her] Waiter, give us your finest Labrador - medium rare.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Did you bring the reports?
Me: Hold on.
*reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers*
Boss: I resign. You're the boss now.
@SamuelHLowe: I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, "it's psychic."
@SteveSuckington: "I take pride in my job. I transport the worlds most precious cargo"
-oh, u drive a school bus?
"LMAO Hell no! I'm a drug smuggler u nerd"