@Cheeseboy22: Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
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@Reel2Dialog2: [from the bottom of a lake] I have this thing where I underestimate the size of puddles.
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]
@tchrquotes: Superman: I got this Batman: I'll help S: Look, you just slow me down B: I'm a detective S: ... B: I have batarangs S: Do you hear yourself?
@envydatropic: I accidentally pushed 2 for Spanish and the operator spoke perfect, fluent English