@mellimelle: Match dot com, but for socks.
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@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
@ClickBaite: I always carry a pocket of spare bolts at the carnival and hand two or three to the person taking the seat after me. "I found these. Weird?"
@JasonLastname: Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine.