@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u
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@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
@BuckyIsotope: Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk.
@samuelhlowe: - Baby, do you think I have too much makeup on? - That depends. Are you gonna try to kill Batman?