@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u
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@d_duhwit: Wife*comes home*: What's that noise? Me: U said to give Tim an anvil Wife: ADVIL! He should be in bed Me: but..he's almost finished my sword
@TheDiLLon1: 1) Find short Irish guy 2) teach him to rap. 3) Become manager. Name him Leprechaunye West 4) wait for $ to roll in
@hardlyrelevant: (in dog boss' office) "Smith, you're fired." Fine. I guess I'll just WALK out... (boss' tail starts wagging) "Wait Smith get back here"