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@UNTRESOR: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?
@jackmackenroth: People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie.
@timdonakowski: Ironically, I only know of one person with the name Common.
@JKickinit30: *quits smoking weed to remember where I hid my weed*
@FavoritesYou: Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key.