@zzoker: Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you
@Mr_Kapowski: [gently brushes your hair out of your face]
"You're gonna be so pissed when you wake up and see your haircut," I whisper
@huntigula: Fun bible fact: No records exist of Jesus' life from age 12 to 30 because he was backpacking across Europe with his pet Pterodactyl
@BreachingBad: She : You have a girlfriend.
Me : No. I had.
She : Where did she go?
Me : She Ransomware.
@GirlyBibIe: this is the greatest thing ever
@SkinnerSteven: Whatever doesn't kill you TRIED TO KILL YOU!