@ShesAllNat: Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box
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@SatansTongue: *daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* "I want to color!" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK "But daddy-" DON'T CALL ME THAT
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, do you like princesses?" "Yes." "Why?" "Well usually they have a nice set of ti-" Wife: "Shut it." "I WILL NOT LIE TO MY SON."