@ShesAllNat: Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box
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@canadian_egg: When you're sad, hug a kid. But make sure it's yours cuz that shit would be weird.
@RunwayDan: At any given time, I know more about the whereabouts of my Amazon packages than I do any member of my extended family.
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.
@SirFlushaLot: I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn't put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes