@Coolhand_Comedy: May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning
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@ShitJokes: My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
@angibangie: *Passing the same coworker in the hallway more than once: Don't look at me, I already said "Hi" to you.
@jakehightower34: Oompa Loompa: When you die do we get the factory? Wonka: No, I'll just invite 5 random kids and murder 4. Oompa Loompa: We need a union...