@smickable: "Maybe a nap will cheer me up!" she said knowing full well she'd wake up feeling like a prisoner of war who time traveled in a sack of bees.
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@aundreyamarie: *Looking to buy a house* ME: So, tell me about the neighborhood. REALTOR: Great school district, very safe neighbo... ME: No, I mean like the bars.. Are the bars close to here and do I need an Uber or can I just walk to them? What are their happy hour specials like?
@jlock17: Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would've paid to see that.
@envydatropic: What do you call a friend who turns a wine glass into a candle holder? An acquaintance