@smickable: "Maybe a nap will cheer me up!" she said knowing full well she'd wake up feeling like a prisoner of war who time traveled in a sack of bees.
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@duplicitron: I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.
@staceaustin: Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner.
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?
@TheAlexNevil: Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn't understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.