@silent_musings: Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.
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@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "So this yearbook isn't your resume?" "No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."