@samalmightysam: Maybe Aliens don't visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move.
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@dafloydsta: [therapy] HIM: Should we talk about the elephant in the room? ME: I don't like to talk about him ELEPHANT: Ok wow I'm like right here man
@sacha_is_good: "If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next.
@LeviathanPride: Guys at work are always like "why are your shorts so short?" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know