@RandomAntics: Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens.
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@ElmoYouNasty: Beyonce made a song called "Single Ladies" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy
@JIMBOSWELT: Randomly screaming and moaning in agony is a great way to get a seat by yourself on a packed bus.
@kelownagoose: Fun game: Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says... "Wow...Are you sure that was for me?" And wait.
@thatUPSdude: I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".